BODY STOCKTAKE

Despite my post earlier today about how pumped I am about being healthy and sticking to the plan, I feel like I failed this afternoon.

I was sticking to points and water so well and then T got fish and chips. No one forced me to eat it but I did and I felt (and still feel) so bad for it! Well, I should have just said that is a blip on my record, now get on with the healthiness. But, because I felt like a total stuff up and I am feeling so much the pressure of the wedding in November, I decided to eat heaps of chocolate biscuits. I am not sure of the points for the fish and chips - I am estimating 22 points for that and the chocolate biscuits came to 10 points - that makes me 32 points over my limit for today and today is the first day of my week!!

I am letting myself be defeated because I am concentrating too much on not being able to get to my goal. I am so stressed out about how I am going to look as a bridesmaid in November. I just keep thinking about how I am going to ruin the photographs because I am so big and haven't lost much weight. I need to take a reality check of this situation because feeling stressed and bad about myself for this wedding is only going to make the photographs look worse.

So my body stock-take is:

• I have been approximately 100Kg for the last 3 years I think. Bride has always been aware of what I look like and when she asked me to be her bridesmaid the last time she saw me, I was 100Kg. So, she wouldn't have asked me to be a bridesmaid if she was worried about how I look.

• Now when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, I weighed approximately 100 Kg. If I had been perfect and lost 0.5 Kg every week since then, I could have been 86.5Kg by the wedding. If I had been perfect and lucky, I could have lost 1 Kg every week since then and could have been 73 Kg by the wedding. I guess, I could have also put on weight since then and been a lot heavier than I am now and I haven't - I have lost a total of 6.3Kg this year so that is a bonus!! Now, there are seven weeks until the wedding. I am capable of losing between 3.5Kg and 7 Kg in this time. If I lose 3.5Kg, I can be 91.8Kg by the wedding. If I lose 7Kg, I can be 88.3Kg. My goal is therefore to be somewhere close to 90Kg by the wedding and that will be a big achievement.

• It was suggested to me that to lose the weight for the wedding, that I should do a liquid diet or a lemon detox. But, I don't want to do that. I don't care enough to compromise my health and my long term healthiness to do one of those crash diets that would just make me miserable. I am sure that if I did a liquid diet and deal with my workload at work leading up the wedding, I would probably wind up in hospital for burn out around the wedding time anyway and I don't want that so that is out of the question.

• I have lost 6.3 Kg this year which is a big change for me. I have had a lot of people comment about how good I am looking and my clothes are fitting better. Jeans that I couldn't do up earlier in the year are baggy on me now!! So, if people are noticing me looking better from losing 6Kg, losing another 6-ish Kg is going to make me look even better - a nice bonus for the wedding hey!!

• Even though I am proud of my 6.3Kg weight loss this year, I haven't been following the program well. I haven't been exercising enough. I haven't been tracking well and I haven't been drinking enough water. It's time to get tough. I need to commit to a tough 7 week commitment plan. I will have blips in this time but I need to get back to the tough plan. The tough plan is at the bottom of this post.

• Another thing that I think is also defeating me is that when I am not at work, I spend a lot of time on this blog writing lists and dreaming etc which isn't actually helping me shift the weight at the end of the day. So I am going to limit myself to only going onto this blog every three days. The next time I come here will be Sunday. Instead of spending a heap of time on here and other useless websites, I should be planning meals, drinking water and moving more!

• This is another bad habit of mine but I want to do the whole amazing what-if thing - you see, I want to see what amazing goal might be able to be achieved if I stick to the tough plan to a tea for 7 weeks and if everything falls into place right for my body. I think it would be amazing to be able to lose 1.5Kg every week for 7 weeks. If that could happen, I could be 84.8Kg. I will be happy though to be as close as I can be to 90Kg.

So, what does the tough plan involve? Well, the tough plan is in reality not all that tough but it will be tough for me considering how I have been behaving lately.

THE TOUGH PLAN:

• In the next 7 weeks, I need to do 28 x 30 minute intense cardio sessions (like I used to do with the personal trainer). Below, I have 28 markers...these will change colour for every intense cardio session that I do...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Everyday I MUST:

• Drink 2L of water everyday. The only other beverages that I will have are a maximum of 1 coffee and 1 cup of tea a day. No alcohol, juices, cordials etc will be drunk except for limited amounts at the 30th birthday party and the hens day.

• Do weights/stretches every night - a minimum of: 20 sit-ups, 20 side sit-ups, 20 leg raises, 20 squats and 20 arm exercises.

• I will track and balance my points each week. When I have a blip in the tracking, I will not make the blip a monsterous BLIP - i will get back on track straight away.

• I will get 6 hours of sleep each night.

Aim: to budge between 3.5Kg and 7Kg of fat in the next 7 weeks.

Weight up but motivation is running hot :)

Weigh-in this morning showed that I have gone up 0.8Kg.

But...

I am extremely motivated at the moment to do everything right this week and half a day into the week, I HAVE been doing everything right which is great for me!

So far, I have been tracking everything that I have been eating and, I have been keeping up my water intake. These two things are good achievements for me! The third thing that I need to do is to make sure I am getting my heart rate up each day this week. At the very least today I am going to do an exercise video. Building on the previous day's efforts is what my focus will be. So my goals for today are:

1. Stick to my 23 points
2. Drink all of my water
3. 20 min exercise DVD
4. 50 sit ups, 50 squats and arm weights
5. Day 3 goals of Change your ways in 30 days: write to-do-list; walk for 21 minutes; drink 2L water.

I feel like I want to scream!

So...aarrghhhhhhhhhh! I feel overwhelmed with everything that I have to do. But, I have come to realise that feeling overwhelmed doesn't help my situation - I just have to chip away at it. And, I am blessed with the life that I have and the opportunities that I have so I should stop complaining.

It is about 11.30 a.m. - I have a list of 20 tasks to do today - I have already completed 3 tasks.

I am determined to achieve the Change your ways in 30 days Challenge. Today is Day 2. So far, I have to:

* write a to-do list everyday and cross tasks off once they have been completed (that is easy!) - Done and the crossing off is happening

* get up 30 minutes earlier and walk 10 minutes away from home and 10 minutes back to home - was sick all through the night and this morning but will walk when I have completed some marking in about 2 hours.

1.30 p.m. - 4 of 20 tasks done.

I will achieve my goals, I will get things done, I will be under 90Kg by Christmas, I will stay within points, I will drink my water for health!

Change your ways in 30 days...

http://www.thehoneyline.com/videos/30-days-to-change-your-ways/day-1-30-days-to-change-your-ways

- write down my to-do list for today - as a task is completed, cross it off
- set my alarm to get up 30 minutes earlier tomorrow morning

My Extra Exercise List

Been doing some research for some extra exercises to spice things up a bit and to set some targets...

1. Get Sexy, Sculpted Arms for Summer
http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/b/gabbyguide/10429/get-sexy-sculpted-arms-for-summer/?page=2

Goal: do one set of 8-12 reps. 2, 3 or 4 times around the circuit.
Exercises:
1. Dip into a bridge
2. Bicep curl to shoulder press
3. Push ups
4. Standing squat dumbbell row
5. Dumbbell kickbacks
6. 21's
7. Dumbbell chest press
8. Bent over, rear delt flies

Determined

I am determined today to stick to my points, exercise and drink my water. I am a little over points at the moment to where I intended to be by 10 am but I have a plan to stay within points by the end of the day. I don't expect to lose weight this week (weigh day = Wednesday) but if I can stay within points today and tomorrow, it is going to give me a head start for next week.

I am picking up motivation from the Weight Watchers message boards. This is what other people have done to make them successful:

- get motivated by someone else and keep someone else motivated

- if you fall off, get straight back on

- losing weight isn't a choice - it has to be done

- the whole thing is a hobby not a chore

- personal training

- journal

- determination to get to goal

- wanting it

- take it day by day

- deal with emotional issues head on

- make myself accountable

- actually follow the program

- guilt has no place on the journey

- focus on what a healthier eater would do

- don't let the numbers get you down or hype you up

- staying to the point allowance


I have highlighted the tips above that resonate with me the most in bold.

In the middle of this post, I have just had an emotional phone call from my mother. I asked her a stupid question I guess. She caught up with someone we both know and I asked mum if that person had lost any weight because I knew that person was trying to lose weight. Mum didn't really answer my question but went on and on (in a glorified way) about three other people we know who are my age that have been losing heaps of weight by basically starving themselves. Then she pestered me about things that I should be doing in other areas of my life that I have already done but I have just done them in different ways to how she would have done them. This conversation made me want to run from the phone and cry. When I type out the issues here - they seem quite stupid really. If I was reading this from someone else, I probably would not be able to understand why they are upset. Yet, this sort of interaction with my mother upsets me. Now, to overcome these feelings, I am going to ignore her negativity, focus on my goals for today of staying to points, exercising and drinking water and getting some work done and the house tidy....and, breathe :).

I am going to get to goal eventually.

Doing that WHATIF?? thing again

This is such a habit of mine...working out the figures if I can lose x amount each weight. Well, as I wrote in my last post, when I have balanced points, exercised and drank my water in the past, I have lost 1 - 1.2kg a week.

I have worked out a 19point day tomorrow and am planning to stick to it. Right this minute, my motivation is running hot and I feel like I can maintain this level of motivation for the next 6 weeks until the wedding at least. By maintaining this motivation and sticking to my plan each day, I have perhaps the potential to lose about 1KG each week --> I could get to 89Kg by the wedding. This is a good target to have in mind - by any means I will be trying my hardest to get as close as I can to 90KG.

If I can achieve the above in 6 weeks and keep the motivation going, I can get to my wedding weight (83Kg) by Christmas. And, I could be at goal (68Kg) by EASTER!

I have the choice to do this. Today I am going to make that choice!

I HAVE been kidding myself!

Despite my PLAN to track everything and stay within points, I didn't last long. With the visitors and holiday fun, I decided to eat and track later. This resulted in disaster. I have just added up my points from yesterday - a total of 47 POINTS! I have just added up my points from this morning - a total of 27 POINTS ALREADY and it is only just after 9 am!

This is a good shock really.

I have been kidding myself.

I haven't wanted this as badly as I have been kidding myself because if I did, I would not be eating and disregarding points. I KNOW that points works - when I have tracked and balanced my points, drank water and exercised, I have lost 1 to 1.2 kilograms a week. I have seen other people in their blogs and on the weight watchers boards lose over 0.5kg each week because they track, exercise and drink their water. I want to be a healthy weight so badly. I need to be a healthy weight if I want to keep living. Balancing points is no great hardship - you still get to eat lovely food - you just have to be aware of what you are eating. I have to plan my food and balance my points for four weeks (really forever but 4 weeks is my starting goal) so that I can break the habit of gorging on point-laden foods. I feel like such a weight watchers poser. But that is no more!! I feel like I want to type "I hope I can track and balance my points" but I feel that I must actually commit to that - this is my deicison time NOW.

I realize that I have been kidding myself when I received a comment from Suz (Thanks Suz!). She said to aim for 400grams loss a week. And, that is so true! I have been aiming for a cruisy 300g a week because I haven't wanted to put in the hard work. I am lazy with this business. I need to shake myself up. When I have done everything right in a week, I have lost 1.2kg - it isn't rocket science - balancing points, water and exercise works. Fooling myself and only doing the exercise and not doing the points balancing is hit and miss.

At least I have learnt from this weekend that sausages and cake are so point laden and so not work it. I also realised that I thought freddo frogs were one point - they are actually two and not worth it unless I really need a chocolate fix.

Well, I am going to plan my food for tomorrow now so that I know what I should be eating.

0 water
1.5 Nutri-grain
1.5 skim milk
1.5 pce toast + vegemite
0.5 coffee + milk

1 banana
2 yoghurt
0 water

0 water
5 silverside salad
0 water

0 water
1 apple
1.5 cashews (7)
0 water
0.5 cofee + milk

0 water
3 steak
0 veges - greens
0 water

GYM - cardio session

BMI Time

I started doing some reading and research last night about fertility and obesity. This research has made it all the more clear to me how important it is for me to get to a healthy weight. It is weird that as I have actually lost a little bit of weight, I start to feel really good about myself and THINK that I am slimmer than I actually am. But, if I calculate my BMI, I am currently still OBESE and NEED to lose weight for my health.

I started at 101.6Kg with a BMI of 36.1 = VERY OBESE

Currently I am 94.5Kg with a BMI of 33.7 = OBESE
.
.
.
10.5Kg to go until I get to...

84Kg which will make my BMI 29.8 = OVERWEIGHT - celebration time!!
.
.
.
then, another 14Kg to go until I get to...

70Kg which will make my BMI 24.8 = HEALTHY WEIGHT RANGE - super celebration time!!

That is a total of 24.5Kg to shed until I am HEALTHY. I did have a total of 31.6Kg to lose at the beginning of this whole effort. But, I need to and must keep going. I know how to do it. If I keep going at my slow pace of on average 300grams a week, it should take me another 82 weeks.

Let the count down begin. Who knows if I am super good at tracking, drinking water and mixing up my exercise, it might even happen sooner.

So, my new little countdown is currently at: Week 1 of 82 to go.

Stayed the same!

Yay! I stayed the same this week - 94.5 - which is a good thing as I haven't been tracking as I should have. I wonder what magic I can work by tracking and balancing points every day over the coming week.

Am cleaning as parents are coming to stay and I still have to bake cupcakes and potato salad and clean the kitchen, clean the floors and make up the bed. Four hours until their arrival - I can do that! :)

Tracking can be done...

and that is my challenge for the next two weeks. I am a tragic tracker - I am not consistent enough. But, I do know that whenever I have tracked, I have had the biggest losses. So, starting from today, I am going to challenge myself to track well for the next two weeks. Starting this on the holidays should make it easier for me.

I have been doing the depressing holiday thing (I always get depressed at the beginning of the holidays) and by 11.00 a.m., I have managed to down my 23 points for the day already! But, if you are a tracker (which I am going to be for the next two weeks at least!) you can work it all out can't you?!! I have written down what I will eat for the rest of the day (water, water, water, fish, greens, piece of fruit) and if I also do: 1 hour extra cleaning, 20 minute walk and 20 minutes intense weights, I will be able to balance my points for today and have a 3 point buffer. So, that isn't so bad and by doing this tracking thing I have learned that I am not going to waste points before lunchtime tomorrow!

I also seem to spend a lot of time on my holidays doing the "I wonder what my weight will be by...". So I am going to indulge in what might be possible. I have learned that I tend to be able to lose 300 grams a week on average quite comfortably. So, by Christmas, I could be down to 90.3Kg and if I push a bit harder a few of those weeks, I am capable of getting to be under 90Kg by the end of the year. That would be FABULOUS! It would mean that in 2009, I would have lost 10Kg - great! That is definitely possible and I want to get there so badly so I am going to keep making good food choices. I am really proud of how I have been deciding not to indulge on certain treats and eating smaller portions. Now, I have to focus on tracking, upping the intake of water and upping the exercise. Is it too much to take on all of those three at once? I am on holidays. I really want to accomplish the tracking thing in the next two weeks. If I think of the beauty benefits of drinking water, I find it easier to drink it. At the moment, I know that a lack of regular exercise is holding me back. But, for now I will try and fit in a few more walks, incidental exercise at the beach with the visitors and a few more weights sessions.

Now, some more crystal ball gazing... If I can keep losing on average 300 grams a week, I can be 84Kg by my 30th Birthday; 75Kg by Christmas 2010; and, at goal by my 31st Birthday. Now, that is incentive to go and get walking each day!!

On a last note, remember that a snickers bar is 5.5 points - so not worth it for me at the moment!

You hear it...now do it

Hmmmm....so many thoughts going through this head of mine.

I guess the most powerful thought in there at the moment is the advice you often hear but you don't often follow through with - well I don't anyway. A beautiful lady at work is sadly struggling with her health and she said "please live every moment as your last". I heard it and yet, at the time, I barely had the time to give her any time to talk to her. I need to change that I think. I need to focus on doing my best with each task that I take on and choosing to be happy. I am in the end in control of my life. If I give my best and work hard, that is all anyone can ask - I am sick of the unrealistic expectations that other people put onto me. I often spend so much of my life worrying about what others think or that I am not measuring up to other people's expectations and I think that mindset just paralyzes me anyway.

Well, let's start today. Today I don't want to be "On the wire annie" - that is what T has been calling me lately - because I am always just getting everything done in the nick of time. My beautiful husband has been working so hard lately - it makes my heart ache for him the amount of hours he is doing to get us ahead. Well, I want to spring clean the house today and make him a beautiful dinner so that he can come home to a haven. Then, I am going to do some marking and email my students their results so that they will be happy. I also want to get some stress relief with my high intensity dance aerobics DVD - I haven't done that one in ages - am looking forward to it.

On the healthy eating topic, on the way home this morning I so wanted a jam doughnut. Then, I realised that I am GLAD (yes, glad) that I have 30Kg to lose because I think if I only had 5Kg to lose I would have stopped and gobbled a jam doughnut. I don't even know what it is with jam doughnuts at the moment but I seem to want one all the time. When I really think about it, it is more just the distraction or the habit that I want - I don't really want the taste of the doughnut. Anyway, I thought for so long about buying a doughnut but then I just came to the conclusion that I want to be the slimist that I can be for the wedding (which isn't that far away) and I also said to myself that the reality is that while I am 30Kg overweight, I can't be splurging on the odd jam doughnut. Jam doughnuts are not just a little treat - they are a huge, fat-laden points busting treat. So my winning self talk this morning was "Do everything that you can to be the slimist you can be for the wedding and you can save some treats for when you get to goal". Of course, when I actually get to goal, I will have to tackle the whole moderation thing to make sure I stay at goal. But at least I know I will get to goal.

At the party last night, I also was reminded of the fact that being happy is the best beauty product. It doens't matter if you are big, little, not coventionally beautiful or model beautiful, personality is the key so be free and enjoy each moment.

Life has been busy but I am finding this busy life is so rewarding and the business has been making it easier for me to trim down - I am no longer hiding away from the world.

Busy but loving life

I feel on top of the world at the moment; yet, my world is so hectic! I am so happy that I am following the Weight Watchers plan though because I think the principles of planning and making good choices is spreading to all areas of my life. I am just really happy at the moment and I'm gradually getting slimmer. YAY! I've also found that by throwing myself into my passions at work, it is making me heaps tired but I am getting so many rewards...better connections with other people and feeling like I am making a difference in the World (well my little part of it anyway).

In the past I have felt frustrated that I am losing weight so slowly compared to other people that I read about. However, I read an article recently that suggested that within 6 months, you should be losing no more than 10Kg to remain healthy. For some reason, I have seemed to just focus on trying to lose a whopping 30Kg in a year...just not possible for me and I don't think is healthy for many people. So, if I look at my year so far, just over 8 months have passed and I have lost 6.2 Kg. So I am under the 10Kg in 6 months BUT I have lost 6Kg in 8 months and I haven't been following the plan properly all year so I am pretty stoked. Now that I am less focused on losing 30Kg by the end of the year (which is impossible!) I seem to be making healthier choices easier. Putting less pressure on myself is making helping me to actually lose the weight. I haven't been really thinking about getting to that 68Kg goal. Instead I've been thinking "Awesome, I haven't been 95.4 Kg for ages...I don't feel like having dessert so why would I just because it is habit...I wonder how much weight I will shift this week...won't it be great to see a 94...something number on the scales next week!"

I am so much in achievement mode at the moment...Today I'm going to...

Do 1 hour of cleaning (8.30 - 9.30)
Do 2 hours of marking (9.30 - 11.30)
Go get the car tires checked out and get a gift & have a healthy lunch! (11.30 - 12.30)
Do 1 hour of cleaning (12.30 - 1.30)
Do 2 hours of marking (1.30 - 3.30)
Go for a walk (3.30 - 4.30)
Do 1 hour of cleaning (4.30 - 5.30)
Get dinner organised (5.30 - 6.30)
Go pick up the lovely one (6.30 - 7.30)
Enjoy dinner (7.30 - 8.30)
Do 2 hours of marking (8.30 - 10.30)
1 hour of ironing (10.30 - 11.30)
sleep!

Got to get it together

I sometimes think that I am better than being healthy...like that I don't have to be slim...I can eat whatever junk I want. Reality check has hit though (thank goodness). I need to be eating healthy for life. Exercise makes you live a better life too. I am also far too hard on myself too often. Anyway, as I said, lucky the reality check has come tonight and I haven't eaten my way to a place which makes life much harder for me than it already is. I have this idea in my head that I want to work really hard over the next two weeks so that I don't have to do so much work on the holidays. So, that means planning out my days, making sure exercise fits into the plan, making little and healthy food choices and drinking water! I think to make this happen I am also not going to have alcohol for a week. Off to plan my week then!