I just spent 15 points on chocolate :(

I didn't REALLY enjoy it either.

Today I had planned to get up early and get into all the things I have planned to do today but I was sick all through the night and had a sleep-in instead. When I eventually did get up, I reached for the only bad thing (well the only bad thing that I am aware of) in the house - choc bits. I ended up eating 15 points worth - so not satisfying but I "thought" they were enjoyable because of habit. I said to myself "well, I have stuffed up my points from the last couple of days anyway so let's not track anymore this week". WAKE UP STUPID (I am talking to myself here). If I'm going to do that, I might as well wait until next year to start getting healthy or perhaps I could wait another 20 years before I start getting healthy - that would be crazy! So, I have written down what I have eaten today - just (hmm, bad choice of word) the chocolate and a lean cuisine. Am up to 19.5 points already. I will blow out today but I am LEARNING. I know that if I want to lose weight, I must keep to my points allocation. Balancing my points in a week is something I have NEVER done - it is a MAJOR challenge for me. A challenge that I am going to keep working at until I achieve it. I have a reward for when that day comes too. If I gave in and stopped counting my points for the rest of the days in this week, I would just end up reinforcing bad habits. By tracking, I also now know that 15 points spent on chocolate bits is SO NOT WORTH IT.

I am not going to allow myself to defeat myself. I'm not even sure if that last sentence makes sense but I feel in my heart that I often make a stuff up and then I throw in the towel with living...my perfectionism problem :(. I would never achieve anything though if I continue to do this though. When I am in the midst of my gym program, which I am in the process of getting back into (have sore arms to prove it at the moment), I tend to see every task as I am doing as a fresh start and I give it my all and ignore all of the other junk in my head. It comes from having to, for example, do dumbbell fliers with 4KG weights. To do the exercise effectively, I have to focus on the task at hand. I need this mantra back in my life - give every task your all! I am so good at waisting the day away. I have 17 things on my to do list for today. So far, at 12.30 p.m., I have done only one of those things on my list. I could spend the rest of the day on the couch in my defeatist state. Or, I can take each task on my list, give each task my all and see how far I get. I know I won't probably get all 17 items done but I reckon I can get half way through my list which is better than nothing.

I don't like to cheat on the scales but I had a look when I got up this morning just to see what was happening (I wonder what I would have done if it had gone up!). Anyway, it went down...down by 1.6Kg from my Wednesday Weigh-In. I was 96.6Kg - my 5Kg lost goal! I know not to take this as my weight though because weight fluctuates throughout the week but it got me focused on where I want to be. I have been reading a lot of blogs and I see a lot of people writing about their 5% goal, their 10% goal etc and while I have recently written about how I don't tend to get motivated by a number on the scale, for some reason today I want to know what my % goals are - even though I have done a thousand excel spreadsheets with these kind of goals in them before. Here are my self-indulgent percentage calculations:

Starting Weight: 101.6KG (31/12/08)
Official Current Weight: 98.2KG (08/07/09) -3.4Kg
Unofficial Current Weight: 96.6KG (11/07/09) -5.0Kg (Woo hoo!)

Percentage Goals plus other Goal Posts:
5%: 96.5Kg (Wow, I am almost there!) (unofficially, 0.1Kg to go)
10Kg loss: 91.6Kg (6.6Kg to go) (unofficially, 5Kg to go)
10%: 91.4Kg (6.8Kg to go) (unofficially, 5.2Kg to go)
15Kg loss: 86.6Kg (11.6Kg to go) (unofficially, 10Kg to go)
20Kg loss: 81.6Kg (16.6Kg to go) (unofficially, 15Kg to go)
20% loss: 81.3Kg (16.9Kg to go) (unofficially, 15.3Kg to go)
30Kg loss: 71.6Kg (26.6Kg to go) (unofficially, 25Kg to go)
30% loss: 71.1Kg (27.1Kg to go) (unofficially, 25.5Kg to go)

Now, enough time wasting...time to go and get some things done...even some exercise!!