On the way

Well I am very proud of myself!

I usually am fantastic at committing to my weight-loss plan but slow to gain much action. Well, not today - I have just come back from a one hour walk to the shops and came back with a very heavy bag of groceries. And, I got salad and no junk into my grocery bag too.

I puffed, felt the muscles in my legs, got a red face and sweated!! I had to get out of my comfort zone (living in a popular tourist destination means that I had to walk past about 100 people in bikinis during my walk).

Husband asked me to get two things for him - smokes and potato chips. I thought hard about not buying both but I ended up only buying him the smokes. He needs to sort that one out or, at least, I will support him when he is showing signs that he is really ready to give up - I know he will not go past the end of the year still being a smoker - he is very strong.

I didn't get the potato chips...yay! Firstly, I sad no in my head because they are a waste of points (excellent thinking) but then my brain said "It's only one bag and he really likes them before dinner". Writing that here seems ludicrous! But, it seemed to make sense in the shop. Anyway, so I let that silly talk make sense to me in the shop and I had a look at the bags of chips. I thought about the other things I had in my trolley - milk etc and thought a bag of chips is only going to get crushed on my walk home. So, I looked at the Pringles and they were too expensive. I decided not to get chips for those reasons - another positive of going for my walk :). One day the right thinking will be part of my shop though.

On the way home, I thought about drinking water and remembered two other things I get into my head when I am losing weight:

(1) I am only going to drink water and have the odd glass of juice for a treat, with only one alcohol day per week - only when I have something to celebrate; and,
(2) I am going to slow down and enjoy every mouthful - I didn't realise how fast my eating had gotten again until I had dinner with some friends the other night and had to slow my self right down so I didn't embarrass myself.

I also planned our dinner on the way home: Fish with coriander and lime dressing and a big green salad. I might have a small portion of oven-baked hot chips ready for husband when he gets home so that he copes with a light dinner.

5.8Kg is definitely going by the end of January.

Where I'm at...

I haven't blogged for a long time because I haven't made much progress. Once again, I let work take over my life. Well, work is finally winding down now. I do have about four days left of marking, marking, marking and 1.5 weeks until holidays start but I can see that the end is near. So, now is the time to make my health a priority and to get that habit to stick before I go back to work.

I have exactly 8.5 weeks until I have my official start back to work :). That is plenty of time to get out of this plan what I want to AND WILL lose 5.8 Kg in this time. I am not worried about Christmas parties, New Year parties etc because I have in the past been able to control these and I have plenty of time exercise etc when I am on holidays. If I haven't lost 5.8Kg by 15 January, I am going to make a significant change to my life - whether that is going on the Doctor's recommended shake diet, changing jobs, paying big dollars for a personal trainer or something else. I don't really want to do any of those things. What I want is to get back into the Weight Watchers program which has worked for me in the past. And, I know it doesn't work with just doing exercise, it doesn't work with just tracking - I need to do both.

I do have 29.3 Kg to go until I get to my ultimate goal - the reason for my 5.8Kg goal is because the doctor has said that she would like me to lose that before I start to try for a baby. I need to go back to her and get my moles checked etc but I don't want to go back until I have lost my mini goal so I can make plans with her about my awesome, baby-filled future!

I also want to learn something new each day and challenge myself to do something new or that scares me every few days. Even though I feel frumpy and yuck, I know as soon as I start eating well again, drinking water and exercising I will start to feel great and I want to enjoy each and every day that God gives me.

Dream list:
Sometime in January 2011...I will reach 91.5Kg (my 5.8 Kg goal will be smashed and I will have lost a total of 10.1Kg)Sometime in April 2011...I will reach 86.5Kg (a total of 15.1Kg)Sometime in July 2011...I will reach 81.5Kg (a total of 20.1Kg)Sometime in October 2011...I will reach 76.5Kg (a total of 25.1Kg Sometime in 2011...I will fall pregnant and be planning the next stage of my life.

have been so sad...have wasted this weekend

I finally feel like I have some perspective on things now - when it is almost time to go back to work again!

I have been so sad because I have so much pressure from work at the moment. I have so much assessment to write and then later mark, so many lessons to plan, a camp to go on for a whole week, environmental day to plan plus many other things. And, when I am at home and have all of these things buzzing around in my head, I have had so many piles of washing to do and floors to mop.

The fact is though, all of those things are going to still be there no matter whether I have a defeatist attitude or a positive attitude. I am also not the only person in the world that works. I have to just face what I have to do, do what I can and forget the rest and smile while I am doing it. And, make sure that the smile is genuine.

My mother has also added pressure to me this weekend and it hasn't been good for my eating. I ate seconds for dinner because I knew I had to ring her back. Then I had to kind of hang up on her at the end because she was on a rampage. Once I hung up, I then went for chocolate. I have been so in denial about emotional eating - but I clearly do it.

I also found out that a wife of a friend of my husbands has lost heaps of weight doing weight watchers. And, my first reaction was - "I know when she started - that is not fair - she has done so well - I have stayed the same that whole time!" But I should be happy for her - and now, I am. I should be excited that the program works - and I am now. I should realise that she probably did her exercise, tracked and drank her water. The formula is there and it is mine for the taking. The formula has to be my priority - all of the other stuff will carry on in the background but this has to be my priority.

My plan tonight is to work on my ironing, mopping and schoolwork until 12.00. Then, I'm going to go to bed and have a little bit of "me-time" with a little bit of reading in bed - whether I have finished all of my chores or not.

Parent -teacher interviews till late tomorrow night - yuck!

I felt all good but now I feel deflated.

I felt like I had a really good day food-wise. I ate smaller meals and healthy foods. So, as soon as I got home (after dinner), I jumped on the scales only to find that I had put on 1.0 Kg since last weight day (6 days ago). It has crushed me but then it was pointed out to me that I probably didn't drink enough water today - and, I didn't!

I also don't normally weigh myself after dinner - I am a morning weigher.

I also didn't track properly - I just tracked in a rough way in my head.

I also haven't had the best days overall in the last six.

So, I can't expect to have dropped a heap of weight.

It comes down to doing to program properly.

I am not chuffed that I have come here and to the weightwatchers website to realise this. I just need to keep plugging along. Doing the timeless tasks that work for so many...

1. Tracking
2. Drinking water
3. Exercising

It is a constant struggle for me to track properly all week. I need to keep fighting that struggle and will get there!

I tend to be okay with water and then sometimes let it go - I need to be more persistent with this also.

Exercising is really good sometimes and sometimes it doesn't happen much at all. I need to get better with this too.

Good thing there is so much room for improvement or I would feel really disappointed if I put weight on - at least now I can see why.

The future is positive -- perhaps I should change the title for this post that I wrote at the beginning.

No chocolate until 90Kgs

I have set myself the challenge. I have survived Day 1. I haven't substituted chocolate for other sugary foods and I have tracked all day and exercised.

Return to work tomorrow. As usual, I haven't completed everything that I had hoped before I return to work. However, I had a very positive holiday and didn't get the usual holiday blues. Having a friend sick with cancer has also reminded me to put life into perspective.

I don't want to post

I don't want to post because I feel I am just writing hot air and not pulling through with my goals. I let other things interrupt my goals too easily - people coming to stay, going out, going away etc.

All I can say is I want to hold off posting until I am doing things well.

But,

I did eat a good breakfast this morning and I weighed in with a loss of 1.4Kg from the previous week. So should be really happy about that. And, until I just wrote the above sentence, I was feeling really ashamed of my weight loss journey. But, in the short term, I should be pretty proud of myself. Oh and yesterday, I went for a 1.5 hour walk!! Maybe by not posting regularly I am not sabotaging my good efforts too easily.

Anyway, the visitors have gone and am getting back into work life so normality is returning. I got back into observing the weightwatchers boards tonight so am feeling "back on track".

I so over being 95-ish Kg!

I lose it on the weekends

I have become far too soft on myself on the weekends and let my food and exercise lapse. My goal for tomorrow therefore is to have a day of good tracking.

I have been thinking this afternoon about what I would do if I weighed 101.6Kg again. I really haven't lost that much weight in the time that I have been at this - because I haven't given it my 100% dedication all of the time. But, I am proud of getting rid of approximately 8Kg and am now ready to move even more kilos. Well, if I was back to weighing 101.6Kg my only options would be to gradually increase the exercise, track my points and replace the majority of bad liquids with water.

I don't succeed when I set my sights too high. I need to take it firstly one meal at a time. I am currently on 23 points. That means that each meal can roughly be about 5 - 6 points, accounting for some low-point snacks throughout the day. Then, I need to focus on getting a two meals right, then a day right, then a couple of days. While I am doing that, I will still also focus on getting to an additional 5Kg lost goal rather than getting to the ultimate goal of 68Kg. Another goal I want to achieve is getting to two weeks of perfectly balanced points. That goal I have perfect control over. I don't feel that I have total control over what happens on the scales in two weeks but I do have control over how I eat and exercise. So, a two week track is very attainable.

I know that I am a broken record and have done the following sort of list a thousand times but in order to learn how to do things properly, I need to keep practicing what is right I guess.

Attainable goals to tick off - things that I have control over...
1. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast.
2. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast and a 4-6 point lunch.
3. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast, a 4-6 point lunch and a 4-6 point dinner.
4. Eat a 23 point day!
5. Eat a 23 point day with 2L of water.
6. Have 2 x 23 point days + 2L of water.
7. Have a whole week of balanced points and lots of water.
8. Have two whole weeks of balanced points and lots of water.
9. Have two whole weeks of balanced points, lots of water and at least 2 good sessions of cardio.
10. Have two whole weeks of balanced points, lots of water, 2 good sessions of cardio and 2 good sessions of weights.

For my mental health, I also need to think about what I have to look forward to in life. Lately, I find I have been getting very down about my job and am worrying about the smallest things. When I reflect, I realise that I have been worrying about things that don't deserve to be worried about.

So, this week I have to look forward to:
- tomorrow is the third day of a long weekend. This means it has been easier to get more things done for me - things around the house, some chill out time, some time to stop and enjoy the winter sunshine. I also need to use some time to get cracking with my marking.
- two of my most beautiful friends got engaged! Yay :) I am so excited and am still buzzing from hearing the news.
- it is exam time at school so I have a few less classes to prepare for and that means that I have more opportunities to get my marking done BEFORE the holidays :) - that is of course, if I choose to get into it.
- I should be able to get home by 5.20 pm every school day this week :)!

Focus for tomorrow:

1. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast.

Middle weigh-in

Last weekend I decided to focus on a 5Kg goal instead of the big picture. As I weigh-in on Wednesdays, I didn't know what my starting weight and goal weight would be. But, now I know...on Wednesday I weighed 94.5Kg. So the goal is 89.5Kg.

Just had a mid-week/middle weigh-in of 93.6Kg...on the way to 89.5Kg already!!

Setting myself a 5Kg challenge.

I am sick of hovering between 96Kg and 93Kg. I have decided to concentrate on losing a 5Kg chunk. Even though I would not have said this at the time, getting from 101.6Kg down to 96Kg was kind of easy. Well, it was far from easy but I ate well, drank water and exercised and, it came off. I think I have allowed myself to be too chuffed at losing the weight that I have already lost. When I was over 100Kg I was constantly telling myself it is not okay to be over 100Kg. For some reason I seem to think that I am okay being 95-ish Kg though. But, when I actually think about it, 95Kg is no good for me. I am still roughly 25Kg from goal. I deeply don't want to be getting pregnant until I am 75Kg - that's 20Kg away. Which is scary and has been scary for too long because I think my mind is ready to be pregnant.

So, my challenge is to chip away at it in 5Kg lots. I am getting back to the gym tomorrow. I am really excited about that. My official 5Kg challenge weigh-in is Wednesday but I am going to start from tomorrow. Four lots of 5Kg challenges - that should be okay.

Mantra time: "It is not okay to be 95Kg. I need to lose weight to have a healthy pregnancy. I want to be healthy. It is not okay to be 95Kg. Under 90Kg...here I come."

Have been a bit sad lately

Nothing really to be sad about but I just don't balance my life properly. The good news is that the scales have gone down...slowly!

Anyway, life is for being happy.

Off to catch up on washing, ironing and marking. I've got three weeks to be super-busy so that I can have a holiday :)

I really love my job

I often whinge about it. I feel sometimes that I am forever complaining. But, I have been having good days at work and love working with the kids in my classes. I am very blessed.

Am very excited - a friend just had a baby!

So many things to be happy about :)

Am still sick but am surprisingly so happy.

Had another sneaky, unofficial weigh-in tonight. Today, I am 2.5 Kg away from 10Kg lost.

Real weigh-in tomorrow...can't wait!

Happy :)

Even though I am overwhelmed with work and have a head cold I am so happy! The day started of so nicely...a beautiful walk with T and then a coffee. Since then, I have been plugging away at my work but I feel a lot less sick I think because I went for a walk in the sunshine.

I had a sneak peak at the scales and may have lost 0.5Kg this week. Will have to wait and see on weigh-in day though.

It means that I may be 3.1 Kg away from 10Kg lost and 4.7Kg away from 90Kg and wearing my new tops. Can't wait for that...will open up a whole new wardrobe!

I need to remind myself that all of those good little decisions will eventually add up to BIG results

Another focus...98cm

I love those ads on tv about waist size and how our lifestyles tend to let us pile on the kilograms without noticing.

So, I've just measured my tummy. I am 98cm...:O...WOW!

That means that I have a greatly increased risk of chronic disease.

In this regard, my first stepping stone is to get to 88cm to have just an increased risk of chronic disease.

Then, my healthy goal will be under 80cm.

While I am doing this, I might as well check-up my BMI...

My BMI was 36 (101.6Kg)

My current BMI is 34

On track but still ROUND

Have been feeling good. Making smarter choices with food and drinks. Have also been trying to limit the amount of stress that I feel too. Results have been showing on the scales too which has been making me feel great :).

I need to be careful not to get complacent though as I am feeling so good about myself. In the last few days, even though I have been eating well, I haven't been counting points. It is amazing too how good you feel when you lose a little bit of weight...was feeling so great about myself and T gave me a hug and mentioned in a non-harsh way how round I am! Luckily though, I am not feeling put down by that comment because I am round and that is why I have so much weight to still lose. But I am feeling positive because I am doing something about it. And, T is keen to go to the gym tonight...I can't wait to get back into regular gym sessions - I know that I will hate it when I am actually doing it though!

I need to remind myself that:

• I am only 3.6 Kg off from losing 10Kg!

• I am 5.2 Kg from being 90Kg!

• When I get to 90Kg, I am going to celebrate by wearing some new clothes!

• If I stick to my plan, I will be under 80Kg by the end of the year!

Things that I have done in the last week or so that I am proud of:

• I drank a lot more water on some days
• I chose fruit for snacks
• I ate a healthy lunch at work everyday

Now that next 3.6Kg that I am focused on losing at the moment, I am going to get cracking on getting organised for the next week!

My personal pep talk

I am not going to sit here and let myself get fatter. I am going to try so hard to do what I know - drink water, eat smaller portions, exercise etc to come out better on the other side.

I am also not going to hide from my mind and let work pile up on me because I am scared that I won't do it well enough. I will not let my housework pile up on me. I won't let my planning pile up on me.

I'm off to do what I have to get done.

:)

And, I'm going to enjoy life because I only get to live this day out once!

I can do this

Negative thoughts have been creeping back but I can't let those thoughts defeat me. I can get a healthy body back. I want that so much and it is so important that I do everything I can to get it.

Reflections from the last week:

• started out with letting old habits of alcohol and fried food dominate
• got back into long walks on the beach
• planned meals but didn't stick to the plans
• got frustrated (extremely frustrated actually) that everything in my life is not perfect; when I actually take a fresh look at things, it isn't all that bad and I am actually just a big sook AND I waste a lot of potentially productive time being a sook
• had two great days with tracking, water intake, moderation and exercise

What have I learned this week?

• to deal with the afternoon binges, I should try to save 6 or 7 points for that and then if I don't binge I can save 4 points
• I should wait half an hour between snacks to space them out more and really sea if I need them or not
• I need to remember that when I am binging, it is usually about 4 or 5 in the afternoon - the same time as when it is still sunny but starting to cool down - the perfect time for a walk!
• I need to try planning a free day into my week to be flexible for my lifestyle and personality and I need to monitor this against my statistics - if it doesn't work, I can always drop the free days
• exercising is just not about the scales - it makes you feel great instantly!
• once you start drinking water, it becomes easier to drink more and you don't get as tired (not sure if the improved energy is due to just the water intake or whether it is also due to exercise, holidays and vegetables)
  

Goals for Monday 12/4 - Sunday 18/4

Weight loss goals:

Water:

• Drink at least 1.5 litres of water each day.

Food:

• Track and balance points at least 3 days this week (*baby steps --> am working my way up to every day in the week).
• Have vitamin tablet each day this week.
  

Exercise: Get a variety of exercise - be active each day.

• Monday: walking all day at the theme park + sit ups and stretches
  
• Tuesday: beach in the morning, walking all day at the shops
• Wednesday: gym - upper body
• Thursday: 20 mins intense cardio + sit ups and stretches
• Friday: walk + gym - lower body
• Saturday: walk + sit ups and stretches
• Sunday: 20 mins intense cardio

Organisation goals:

• have a shiny and clutter-free sink before going to bed each night
• complete marking
• get booklets prepared and into photocopying
• do ironing off spare bed
• iron all work outfits for week 1

I feel deflated sometimes when I look at other people's amazing statistics on their weight loss blogs. I am just jealous of their hard work and amazing progress. I get jealous of their determination to keep going even when they have a gain or multiple gains. You can see in their stats that despite their set backs, the gradual losses over time do add up to a lot of weight gone from their bodies. I am going to start with a fresh lot of statistics and work on getting my numbers down.

The benefits come so quickly

I have always been so impatient with my healthy/weight loss attempts. However, I had missed how quickly the benefits come when you start being healthier. I am more alert, happier, have more energy. I am noticing the beauty of life more and more - the breeze in the trees, the birds outside etc. Maybe it is because I am on holidays at the moment - I am sure that has something to do with it but I know that drinking more water, cutting back on fats and sugar and eating more veges is having a great effect. Why didn't I learn this earlier or how come I had forgotten this?!

Feeling good about it this time

I am a typical weight loss broken record - losing weight; putting weight back on; starting again "today!". That is okay for me right now though because I am back on the right side of the track.

I have had the first really positive day in ages today and that feels awesome. I am over my points but at least I am starting to track again. I have limited a lot of food intake today and thought about what I am eating which is a great start.

I am struggling a bit at the moment as I just want to eat and fill right up. So, instead of whipping up all the nasty point-laden foods in the cupboard and fridge, I am on here researching how to curb overeating/binge eating.

P.S. Thanks so much LellyJ for your support - I appreciated your advice so much and it helped me to get through quite a down patch of my life :).

Balanced Baby Steps Needed

I have been feeling really depressed lately and can't really put my finger on it.

In terms of this weight loss thing, I seem to be just standing still. I plan out what I want to do and where I want to get to and then I act on my plans for about a day and then throw everything out the window. I think setting goals about what I want to loose by when stresses me out and doesn't help me get to where I want to be.

Instead, I need to focus on my baby steps again...in all areas of my life. I get overwhelmed too easily and then become very oversensitive. I have been blessed with so many opportunities - I need to grab hold of those.

I think I have written about this before but I keep needing to remind myself - baby steps is what works. I also seem to achieve more success if I focus on goals without dates. So here are a new set of goals...I am just going to keep taking baby steps towards them and then celebrate them in a big way when I get there.

I am currently sitting on about 94.5Kg. Weigh-in days are Wednesdays.

Goal 1 = 93Kg. Reward = feeling comfortable in my new clothes.
I have a few new tops (grey one, white ones etc) that I was fitting well at about 93 Kg. Now that the weight has crept on a little again, they still fit but I feel somewhat uncomfortable in them.

Goal 2 = 88Kg. Reward = wearing my new plum top.
I also have new plum coloured top that I haven't worn out yet. I really love it and mum and T have told me it looks good on me but I feel really self conscious in it at the moment. My reward for dropping 7kg more will be to wear this to work for the first time. :)...little bit nervous about this one :)

******** Getting to 88Kg will be a great achievement for me ********* I need to remember this.

I also need to remember that no matter what weight you are, you can still be beautiful on the outside. I need to make sure I am getting enjoyment from my clothes, doing my hair and make-up nice and smiling more. I also need to remember to drink lots of water to make my skin healthy.

Goal 3: 85Kg. Reward = buying 2 more outfits for work.

Goal 4: 82Kg. Reward = weekend away/night on the town.
I weighed this weight when I got married...while I was overweight at this time and felt it, I still remember feeling a lot better than I do now. Reaching this weight will be well marked by a night of dancing.

Goal 5: 78Kg. Reward = going through that box of clothes I have had packed away for years because they haven't fitted for years and finding at least one outfit to wear!

Goal 6: 75Kg. Reward = feeling free to fall pregnant at any time.
Even though 75Kg isn't my goal weight - I personally feel if I got pregnant at this weight my body could deal with it.

Goal 7: 72Kg. Reward = holiday somewhere.

Goal 8: 68Kg. Reward = being at goal - feeling the amazing sense of achievement.

Now, goals 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 don't really matter right now. The only thing that matters at the moment is: Goal 1 = 93Kg. Reward = feeling comfortable in my new clothes.

Baby steps towards Goal 1:
1. Eating more regular and healthy meals and being conscious of portions.
2. Drinking at least 6 glasses of water each day and only one glass of any other drink.
3. Exercising for at least 20 minutes each day.

Distance from Goal 1 today = 1.5Kg.
Plan for today's baby steps = 1. From now, I am going to eat every 2 - 3 hours and make the portions 10% smaller. 2. I've already had a coffee for today so, for the rest of the day, it's nice cold water. 3. I need to walk the DVD to the video shop and I would also like to do my 10 min intense tummy toning workout. I also am getting of the Internet now to do a super clean of the house.

Frustration led me to FlyLady

I was so frustrated today with not getting everything done that I wanted to get done and feeling that all of the chores fall onto me and I typed into Google: +frustrated +husband +clutter +disorganised

Within a few clicks I have found flylady.com - it is the greatest. It is just like weightwatchers in a way but about organising your life and cleaning your house, keeping it clean, through baby steps! I am so excited about this!

Taking on what I have been learning, I am going to make baby steps and tonight before going to bed I am going to:
1. shine my sink
2. work on my spare room hot spot - 2 minutes
3. pick out my clothes for tomorrow and organise them before bed

Tomorrow morning before taking DH to work, I am going to:
1. get dressed and lace up my shoes
2. put out my hotspots - brown cupboard, dining table, brown chest - 2 minutes each
3. put a load of washing on and put in the drier

When I return tomorrow, I am going to:
1. shine my sink
2. get ready for mum and dad's visit
3. 5 minute spare room room rescue (day 1 of 27).

Before bed tomorrow night, I am going to:
1. keep my sink shining
2. lay out my clothes for the next day
3. put out my hotspots - brown cupboard, dining table, brown chest - 2 minutes each

Monday morning I will:
1. get dressed and lace up my shoes
2. put out my hotspots - brown cupboard, dining table, brown chest - 2 minutes each
3. put a load of washing on and put in the drier
4. shine my sink
Later on Monday I will:
4. 5 minute spare room room rescue (day 2 of 27).
5. come back to the website and review my before bed routine.

On Tuesday, I will be up to Day 10