I felt all good but now I feel deflated.

I felt like I had a really good day food-wise. I ate smaller meals and healthy foods. So, as soon as I got home (after dinner), I jumped on the scales only to find that I had put on 1.0 Kg since last weight day (6 days ago). It has crushed me but then it was pointed out to me that I probably didn't drink enough water today - and, I didn't!

I also don't normally weigh myself after dinner - I am a morning weigher.

I also didn't track properly - I just tracked in a rough way in my head.

I also haven't had the best days overall in the last six.

So, I can't expect to have dropped a heap of weight.

It comes down to doing to program properly.

I am not chuffed that I have come here and to the weightwatchers website to realise this. I just need to keep plugging along. Doing the timeless tasks that work for so many...

1. Tracking
2. Drinking water
3. Exercising

It is a constant struggle for me to track properly all week. I need to keep fighting that struggle and will get there!

I tend to be okay with water and then sometimes let it go - I need to be more persistent with this also.

Exercising is really good sometimes and sometimes it doesn't happen much at all. I need to get better with this too.

Good thing there is so much room for improvement or I would feel really disappointed if I put weight on - at least now I can see why.

The future is positive -- perhaps I should change the title for this post that I wrote at the beginning.

No chocolate until 90Kgs

I have set myself the challenge. I have survived Day 1. I haven't substituted chocolate for other sugary foods and I have tracked all day and exercised.

Return to work tomorrow. As usual, I haven't completed everything that I had hoped before I return to work. However, I had a very positive holiday and didn't get the usual holiday blues. Having a friend sick with cancer has also reminded me to put life into perspective.

I don't want to post

I don't want to post because I feel I am just writing hot air and not pulling through with my goals. I let other things interrupt my goals too easily - people coming to stay, going out, going away etc.

All I can say is I want to hold off posting until I am doing things well.

But,

I did eat a good breakfast this morning and I weighed in with a loss of 1.4Kg from the previous week. So should be really happy about that. And, until I just wrote the above sentence, I was feeling really ashamed of my weight loss journey. But, in the short term, I should be pretty proud of myself. Oh and yesterday, I went for a 1.5 hour walk!! Maybe by not posting regularly I am not sabotaging my good efforts too easily.

Anyway, the visitors have gone and am getting back into work life so normality is returning. I got back into observing the weightwatchers boards tonight so am feeling "back on track".

I so over being 95-ish Kg!

I lose it on the weekends

I have become far too soft on myself on the weekends and let my food and exercise lapse. My goal for tomorrow therefore is to have a day of good tracking.

I have been thinking this afternoon about what I would do if I weighed 101.6Kg again. I really haven't lost that much weight in the time that I have been at this - because I haven't given it my 100% dedication all of the time. But, I am proud of getting rid of approximately 8Kg and am now ready to move even more kilos. Well, if I was back to weighing 101.6Kg my only options would be to gradually increase the exercise, track my points and replace the majority of bad liquids with water.

I don't succeed when I set my sights too high. I need to take it firstly one meal at a time. I am currently on 23 points. That means that each meal can roughly be about 5 - 6 points, accounting for some low-point snacks throughout the day. Then, I need to focus on getting a two meals right, then a day right, then a couple of days. While I am doing that, I will still also focus on getting to an additional 5Kg lost goal rather than getting to the ultimate goal of 68Kg. Another goal I want to achieve is getting to two weeks of perfectly balanced points. That goal I have perfect control over. I don't feel that I have total control over what happens on the scales in two weeks but I do have control over how I eat and exercise. So, a two week track is very attainable.

I know that I am a broken record and have done the following sort of list a thousand times but in order to learn how to do things properly, I need to keep practicing what is right I guess.

Attainable goals to tick off - things that I have control over...
1. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast.
2. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast and a 4-6 point lunch.
3. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast, a 4-6 point lunch and a 4-6 point dinner.
4. Eat a 23 point day!
5. Eat a 23 point day with 2L of water.
6. Have 2 x 23 point days + 2L of water.
7. Have a whole week of balanced points and lots of water.
8. Have two whole weeks of balanced points and lots of water.
9. Have two whole weeks of balanced points, lots of water and at least 2 good sessions of cardio.
10. Have two whole weeks of balanced points, lots of water, 2 good sessions of cardio and 2 good sessions of weights.

For my mental health, I also need to think about what I have to look forward to in life. Lately, I find I have been getting very down about my job and am worrying about the smallest things. When I reflect, I realise that I have been worrying about things that don't deserve to be worried about.

So, this week I have to look forward to:
- tomorrow is the third day of a long weekend. This means it has been easier to get more things done for me - things around the house, some chill out time, some time to stop and enjoy the winter sunshine. I also need to use some time to get cracking with my marking.
- two of my most beautiful friends got engaged! Yay :) I am so excited and am still buzzing from hearing the news.
- it is exam time at school so I have a few less classes to prepare for and that means that I have more opportunities to get my marking done BEFORE the holidays :) - that is of course, if I choose to get into it.
- I should be able to get home by 5.20 pm every school day this week :)!

Focus for tomorrow:

1. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast.

Middle weigh-in

Last weekend I decided to focus on a 5Kg goal instead of the big picture. As I weigh-in on Wednesdays, I didn't know what my starting weight and goal weight would be. But, now I know...on Wednesday I weighed 94.5Kg. So the goal is 89.5Kg.

Just had a mid-week/middle weigh-in of 93.6Kg...on the way to 89.5Kg already!!

Setting myself a 5Kg challenge.

I am sick of hovering between 96Kg and 93Kg. I have decided to concentrate on losing a 5Kg chunk. Even though I would not have said this at the time, getting from 101.6Kg down to 96Kg was kind of easy. Well, it was far from easy but I ate well, drank water and exercised and, it came off. I think I have allowed myself to be too chuffed at losing the weight that I have already lost. When I was over 100Kg I was constantly telling myself it is not okay to be over 100Kg. For some reason I seem to think that I am okay being 95-ish Kg though. But, when I actually think about it, 95Kg is no good for me. I am still roughly 25Kg from goal. I deeply don't want to be getting pregnant until I am 75Kg - that's 20Kg away. Which is scary and has been scary for too long because I think my mind is ready to be pregnant.

So, my challenge is to chip away at it in 5Kg lots. I am getting back to the gym tomorrow. I am really excited about that. My official 5Kg challenge weigh-in is Wednesday but I am going to start from tomorrow. Four lots of 5Kg challenges - that should be okay.

Mantra time: "It is not okay to be 95Kg. I need to lose weight to have a healthy pregnancy. I want to be healthy. It is not okay to be 95Kg. Under 90Kg...here I come."

Have been a bit sad lately

Nothing really to be sad about but I just don't balance my life properly. The good news is that the scales have gone down...slowly!

Anyway, life is for being happy.

Off to catch up on washing, ironing and marking. I've got three weeks to be super-busy so that I can have a holiday :)