On the way

Well I am very proud of myself!

I usually am fantastic at committing to my weight-loss plan but slow to gain much action. Well, not today - I have just come back from a one hour walk to the shops and came back with a very heavy bag of groceries. And, I got salad and no junk into my grocery bag too.

I puffed, felt the muscles in my legs, got a red face and sweated!! I had to get out of my comfort zone (living in a popular tourist destination means that I had to walk past about 100 people in bikinis during my walk).

Husband asked me to get two things for him - smokes and potato chips. I thought hard about not buying both but I ended up only buying him the smokes. He needs to sort that one out or, at least, I will support him when he is showing signs that he is really ready to give up - I know he will not go past the end of the year still being a smoker - he is very strong.

I didn't get the potato chips...yay! Firstly, I sad no in my head because they are a waste of points (excellent thinking) but then my brain said "It's only one bag and he really likes them before dinner". Writing that here seems ludicrous! But, it seemed to make sense in the shop. Anyway, so I let that silly talk make sense to me in the shop and I had a look at the bags of chips. I thought about the other things I had in my trolley - milk etc and thought a bag of chips is only going to get crushed on my walk home. So, I looked at the Pringles and they were too expensive. I decided not to get chips for those reasons - another positive of going for my walk :). One day the right thinking will be part of my shop though.

On the way home, I thought about drinking water and remembered two other things I get into my head when I am losing weight:

(1) I am only going to drink water and have the odd glass of juice for a treat, with only one alcohol day per week - only when I have something to celebrate; and,
(2) I am going to slow down and enjoy every mouthful - I didn't realise how fast my eating had gotten again until I had dinner with some friends the other night and had to slow my self right down so I didn't embarrass myself.

I also planned our dinner on the way home: Fish with coriander and lime dressing and a big green salad. I might have a small portion of oven-baked hot chips ready for husband when he gets home so that he copes with a light dinner.

5.8Kg is definitely going by the end of January.

Where I'm at...

I haven't blogged for a long time because I haven't made much progress. Once again, I let work take over my life. Well, work is finally winding down now. I do have about four days left of marking, marking, marking and 1.5 weeks until holidays start but I can see that the end is near. So, now is the time to make my health a priority and to get that habit to stick before I go back to work.

I have exactly 8.5 weeks until I have my official start back to work :). That is plenty of time to get out of this plan what I want to AND WILL lose 5.8 Kg in this time. I am not worried about Christmas parties, New Year parties etc because I have in the past been able to control these and I have plenty of time exercise etc when I am on holidays. If I haven't lost 5.8Kg by 15 January, I am going to make a significant change to my life - whether that is going on the Doctor's recommended shake diet, changing jobs, paying big dollars for a personal trainer or something else. I don't really want to do any of those things. What I want is to get back into the Weight Watchers program which has worked for me in the past. And, I know it doesn't work with just doing exercise, it doesn't work with just tracking - I need to do both.

I do have 29.3 Kg to go until I get to my ultimate goal - the reason for my 5.8Kg goal is because the doctor has said that she would like me to lose that before I start to try for a baby. I need to go back to her and get my moles checked etc but I don't want to go back until I have lost my mini goal so I can make plans with her about my awesome, baby-filled future!

I also want to learn something new each day and challenge myself to do something new or that scares me every few days. Even though I feel frumpy and yuck, I know as soon as I start eating well again, drinking water and exercising I will start to feel great and I want to enjoy each and every day that God gives me.

Dream list:
Sometime in January 2011...I will reach 91.5Kg (my 5.8 Kg goal will be smashed and I will have lost a total of 10.1Kg)Sometime in April 2011...I will reach 86.5Kg (a total of 15.1Kg)Sometime in July 2011...I will reach 81.5Kg (a total of 20.1Kg)Sometime in October 2011...I will reach 76.5Kg (a total of 25.1Kg Sometime in 2011...I will fall pregnant and be planning the next stage of my life.

have been so sad...have wasted this weekend

I finally feel like I have some perspective on things now - when it is almost time to go back to work again!

I have been so sad because I have so much pressure from work at the moment. I have so much assessment to write and then later mark, so many lessons to plan, a camp to go on for a whole week, environmental day to plan plus many other things. And, when I am at home and have all of these things buzzing around in my head, I have had so many piles of washing to do and floors to mop.

The fact is though, all of those things are going to still be there no matter whether I have a defeatist attitude or a positive attitude. I am also not the only person in the world that works. I have to just face what I have to do, do what I can and forget the rest and smile while I am doing it. And, make sure that the smile is genuine.

My mother has also added pressure to me this weekend and it hasn't been good for my eating. I ate seconds for dinner because I knew I had to ring her back. Then I had to kind of hang up on her at the end because she was on a rampage. Once I hung up, I then went for chocolate. I have been so in denial about emotional eating - but I clearly do it.

I also found out that a wife of a friend of my husbands has lost heaps of weight doing weight watchers. And, my first reaction was - "I know when she started - that is not fair - she has done so well - I have stayed the same that whole time!" But I should be happy for her - and now, I am. I should be excited that the program works - and I am now. I should realise that she probably did her exercise, tracked and drank her water. The formula is there and it is mine for the taking. The formula has to be my priority - all of the other stuff will carry on in the background but this has to be my priority.

My plan tonight is to work on my ironing, mopping and schoolwork until 12.00. Then, I'm going to go to bed and have a little bit of "me-time" with a little bit of reading in bed - whether I have finished all of my chores or not.

Parent -teacher interviews till late tomorrow night - yuck!

I felt all good but now I feel deflated.

I felt like I had a really good day food-wise. I ate smaller meals and healthy foods. So, as soon as I got home (after dinner), I jumped on the scales only to find that I had put on 1.0 Kg since last weight day (6 days ago). It has crushed me but then it was pointed out to me that I probably didn't drink enough water today - and, I didn't!

I also don't normally weigh myself after dinner - I am a morning weigher.

I also didn't track properly - I just tracked in a rough way in my head.

I also haven't had the best days overall in the last six.

So, I can't expect to have dropped a heap of weight.

It comes down to doing to program properly.

I am not chuffed that I have come here and to the weightwatchers website to realise this. I just need to keep plugging along. Doing the timeless tasks that work for so many...

1. Tracking
2. Drinking water
3. Exercising

It is a constant struggle for me to track properly all week. I need to keep fighting that struggle and will get there!

I tend to be okay with water and then sometimes let it go - I need to be more persistent with this also.

Exercising is really good sometimes and sometimes it doesn't happen much at all. I need to get better with this too.

Good thing there is so much room for improvement or I would feel really disappointed if I put weight on - at least now I can see why.

The future is positive -- perhaps I should change the title for this post that I wrote at the beginning.

No chocolate until 90Kgs

I have set myself the challenge. I have survived Day 1. I haven't substituted chocolate for other sugary foods and I have tracked all day and exercised.

Return to work tomorrow. As usual, I haven't completed everything that I had hoped before I return to work. However, I had a very positive holiday and didn't get the usual holiday blues. Having a friend sick with cancer has also reminded me to put life into perspective.

I don't want to post

I don't want to post because I feel I am just writing hot air and not pulling through with my goals. I let other things interrupt my goals too easily - people coming to stay, going out, going away etc.

All I can say is I want to hold off posting until I am doing things well.

But,

I did eat a good breakfast this morning and I weighed in with a loss of 1.4Kg from the previous week. So should be really happy about that. And, until I just wrote the above sentence, I was feeling really ashamed of my weight loss journey. But, in the short term, I should be pretty proud of myself. Oh and yesterday, I went for a 1.5 hour walk!! Maybe by not posting regularly I am not sabotaging my good efforts too easily.

Anyway, the visitors have gone and am getting back into work life so normality is returning. I got back into observing the weightwatchers boards tonight so am feeling "back on track".

I so over being 95-ish Kg!

I lose it on the weekends

I have become far too soft on myself on the weekends and let my food and exercise lapse. My goal for tomorrow therefore is to have a day of good tracking.

I have been thinking this afternoon about what I would do if I weighed 101.6Kg again. I really haven't lost that much weight in the time that I have been at this - because I haven't given it my 100% dedication all of the time. But, I am proud of getting rid of approximately 8Kg and am now ready to move even more kilos. Well, if I was back to weighing 101.6Kg my only options would be to gradually increase the exercise, track my points and replace the majority of bad liquids with water.

I don't succeed when I set my sights too high. I need to take it firstly one meal at a time. I am currently on 23 points. That means that each meal can roughly be about 5 - 6 points, accounting for some low-point snacks throughout the day. Then, I need to focus on getting a two meals right, then a day right, then a couple of days. While I am doing that, I will still also focus on getting to an additional 5Kg lost goal rather than getting to the ultimate goal of 68Kg. Another goal I want to achieve is getting to two weeks of perfectly balanced points. That goal I have perfect control over. I don't feel that I have total control over what happens on the scales in two weeks but I do have control over how I eat and exercise. So, a two week track is very attainable.

I know that I am a broken record and have done the following sort of list a thousand times but in order to learn how to do things properly, I need to keep practicing what is right I guess.

Attainable goals to tick off - things that I have control over...
1. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast.
2. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast and a 4-6 point lunch.
3. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast, a 4-6 point lunch and a 4-6 point dinner.
4. Eat a 23 point day!
5. Eat a 23 point day with 2L of water.
6. Have 2 x 23 point days + 2L of water.
7. Have a whole week of balanced points and lots of water.
8. Have two whole weeks of balanced points and lots of water.
9. Have two whole weeks of balanced points, lots of water and at least 2 good sessions of cardio.
10. Have two whole weeks of balanced points, lots of water, 2 good sessions of cardio and 2 good sessions of weights.

For my mental health, I also need to think about what I have to look forward to in life. Lately, I find I have been getting very down about my job and am worrying about the smallest things. When I reflect, I realise that I have been worrying about things that don't deserve to be worried about.

So, this week I have to look forward to:
- tomorrow is the third day of a long weekend. This means it has been easier to get more things done for me - things around the house, some chill out time, some time to stop and enjoy the winter sunshine. I also need to use some time to get cracking with my marking.
- two of my most beautiful friends got engaged! Yay :) I am so excited and am still buzzing from hearing the news.
- it is exam time at school so I have a few less classes to prepare for and that means that I have more opportunities to get my marking done BEFORE the holidays :) - that is of course, if I choose to get into it.
- I should be able to get home by 5.20 pm every school day this week :)!

Focus for tomorrow:

1. Eat a 4-6 point breakfast.